My Mom passed away yesterday…

What I posted on Facebook on April 30th, 2022.

“It is with great sadness to share that my Mom passed away unexpectedly yesterday due to complications from COPD. She was 72 years old.

My mom was an amazingly tough woman, for better or worse. When my dad committed suicide in 1993, she held my sisters and my hands as she gave us all the news together. We shared that tragedy all at the same time, and we grew together from it. And when my mom’s mother not long after moved in with us and then developed breast cancer, my mom cared for her in our home until she passed away in 1996.

After our dad died, my mom focused on us kids. She believed if she could keep our sibling bond strong and if we could get into good colleges, we would be alright. She resoundingly succeeded in those goals, though it was at times hard because she pushed us so hard. I would never have gotten into Rice had it not been for her. Nor would Samantha into Stanford or Courtenay into Westminster.

My mom and I shared a lot of moments and a lot of words. Loving and painful. We always felt our feelings in our family, whether good or bad. We expressed them to each other, even when we kept them from the rest of the world. We didn’t hold back when we emoted. We loved each other fiercely, through thick and thin.

My mom and I also shared a special bond. I was her son and the last touchstone of my father and I shared his name, his genetics, and his features. We both lost him and we both survived. We had a raw candidness that was unique to our relationship, but I could also always make her laugh. My mom knew how many friends I’d lost along the way, even counting our shared traumas, and she empathized with my losses. She was always in my corner. She was always on my team, even when we thought differently.

When I was 17 my mom married my stepdad, August. It still amazes me that I have known August over 3 times as long as I knew my dad. He and my mom were married for over 20 years, which I only just realized was longer than my mom and dad were married, just 15 years. My stepdad, like me, loved my mother deeply and I will always be grateful they found each other when they did. They truly pieced back together our two families into one strong one. They took care of each other and us for over two decades.

Man my mom became a partisan republican, and even though her kids lived as liberal democrats in New York and California, she still loved us, though she emailed us nearly daily articles intended to convert us to her views. I never thought i’d miss those, but I will…somewhat. I’ll certainly miss her handwritten notes and her thoughtful holiday cards and her random baby gifts.

I had always feared this day would come. She was my last biological parent and now she is gone. But I am so grateful she got to meet my sister’s children and my son. And I am grateful that she got to know my step-brother’s babies and sister’s new baby are on their way here soon.

My mom loved us fiercely. She always said “when I get to heaven I am going to slap your father and give him a hug and a kiss”. I am sure when we meet again, she will meet us all with a hug and a kiss as well. A life can have so many different loves.

I would not have made it without my mother. She was a fighter and she taught me how to be strong in the face of adversity. She was my mother and my father for so many years on her own. I will miss her so very very much.

Cherish the time you have with your family. Don’t waste it. Make sure you tell your family you love them, often, and make the best of your time together. Even the little things have such meaning in retrospect.

My family will be okay. We are hurting hard right now, which is to be expected, but we’ve also had enough trauma to know its not our first rodeo. Deborah Symonds Shouse made us who we are and every day after yesterday we will go forward with her fierceness and grit into the worlds we have in front of us. And we will be grateful for the love from our friends and families along the way.

Rest in Peace, my dear Momma. Till we meet again. Thank you for everything.”