Love and Grit; A Eulogy

Our mother loved fiercely. She loved our father fiercely. She loved her children fiercely. She loved my stepfather fiercely and she loved my stepbrothers fiercely. Sometimes she loved us so fiercely, it hurt. Sometimes it could be so sweet too.

Deborah Sullivan Lee was a proud daughter of Houston. Her family came to Texas by way of Oklahoma and Alabama, with roots in Virginia. She went to River Oaks Elementary. Kinkaid. Hollins College in Roanoke, Virginia, and later when she realized she missed Texas, she came back and finished out at the University of Texas. Her Great Grandfather fought in the Army of Northern Virginia and survived Chancellorsville and Gettysburg and later ran for Governor of Texas and lost to Jim Hogg. And she was always happy to remind you that Ella Lee Lane was named for her Great Aunt Ellen Lee by Miss Ima Hogg. Our Mother loved telling stories and she loved the social history of Houston. She loved talking about who created which business, and who went to which college, and who was close friends with whom. She loved connecting dots and she loved network connecting. It’s why she studied politics in college, why she lived in D.C. after college, and why she deeply followed politics for the rest of her life. Often to the frustration of her children. Our Mom was known to pick a fight on occasion. And she was tough. And she was loving. She tried her best to make her kids their best and she tried her best to be the best wife to my stepfather and stepmother to my stepbrothers that she could be.

Our Mom had a lot of pain, particularly after our Dad’s suicide. She blamed herself. She felt abandoned. She lost the first love of her life and the father of her children. She felt alone. But she’d never give up. Not on us. She may get scared, or completely change course, but she’d never give up. Her way was to smoke a Marlboro, drink a cup of coffee or open a Dr. Pepper, and push forward. Connecting. Driving. Working for her kids. After our Dad died, our Grandmother, my Mom’s mom, moved in with us to help out. Eventually she developed breast cancer, so my Mom took care of her too. Until she passed away in our home. Our Mom faced death head on so many times in her life. Bravely. Still often leaving her feeling alone.

Eventually our Mom and our Stepfather found each other. They grew up blocks from each other in River Oaks and had known each other since childhood. She went to Kinkaid and he went to St. John’s and they were born 5 days apart, which he always reminded her of for the 5 days he was the younger man in the relationship. After several years of dating while navigating 6 kids, they were married, here in this chapel. I was a senior in high school. It was 8 years after our Dad passed. I was deeply happy my Mom and August had each other. Mom and August were together longer than my Mom and Dad, and now we’ve known August significantly longer than we knew our Dad. Our Mom had two great loves in her life and I am so grateful for them both. Our Mom could let her hair down with August. She could be herself with August. Thank you for loving her, August. She deeply loved you too.

Our Mom loved “Hey Rube” moments. To her that meant when you needed your people and you yelled, “Hey Rube!”, and they showed up for you. Our Mom would always show up, even when she didn’t agree with you. Even if she was angry with you. Overall, she was always on your side in the end. When you needed her most, she would be there. She’d likely still say, “I told you so.” but she’d be there. I am so grateful she was on my team. She was Hell to be against.

Our Mom did so many little things that I will dearly miss. Some of these little things were actually quite big. From her family jewelry, she gave me the wedding ring I gave to my wife, and she gave me the wedding band she gave to my father. She used to send Amazon packages to all of her kids with baby stuff like swimsuits and sun hats and stuffys. She used to send books, many written by Fox News anchors, or she’d send nicknacks that she thought her kids would appreciate, like metal straws or socks. She would write beautiful handwritten personal notes, telling you how proud she was of you even when you didn’t necessarily feel proud of yourself. She would email, endlessly, even when asked to stop repeatedly, primarily conservative political articles, and occasionally cooking recipes and parenting articles…Some of these things I will deeply miss. Some, not so much. Some I will never forget…

A prime example of the woman my mother was involved my dad’s watch. After my dad died my Mom couldn’t find his watch. It was a Rolex she had gifted to him and it was nowhere to be seen. Eventually she started calling pawn shops. We had been having money problems for some time and it turned out my Dad had sold it to a pawn shop before we took our last family vacation to New York City to meet my half sisters and to go to our family place in the Adirondacks. It was the last big thing we did as a family the summer before he died, 29 years ago yesterday. With the little money she had, my Mom found the watch and bought it back. It was her gift to my Dad and she wanted his watch to go to me. So I had that piece of him. Later, she engraved it with my name, to make it mine. I’ll always know this story when I think of this watch. It is a story of love and loss and love again. A Mother’s love.

Now my wrists are thicker than my Dad’s, so it doesn’t fit well these days, but I’ll never forget where we came from. What we have been through. Who we have been through it with. Our Mother taught us that we were stronger together because we were a family who worked hard to survive. We picked ourselves up, no matter the circumstance, in order to thrive. Nothing made my mother prouder than knowing her children had grown up strong and were married to people they loved and had children who would continue her family on.

Your love and grit will be missed immeasurably, Momma. We love you and look forward to seeing your smiling eyes again in the next life. You will be missed more than you ever could understand. We will live and love fiercely in your honor.